A new goal

I am determined to lose the last 25 pounds of my pregnancy by 12/31/2011... I know that it can be done.... I have to push myself. because I am worth this...I am worth the effort and this is my life.

so ready, get set...go!

feeling the love

I get so caught up in the drama of trying to lose weight that I forget to take a step back and breath...life is good.

this is something that I struggle with everyday, but I think that we all do. We get caught up in the what if's and someday's when that truth is someday is now!

why wait until your thin to dress up? why wait until you feel sexy to run?

I am happy to be me today, I hope that this doesn't go away anytime soon. I am looking forward to getting the old me back.

I decided to not focus on numbers for the rest of the month...we will see how this new approach pans out.

I will not be tracking or weighing in until 07/31/2011
I am going to focus on listening to my body and going off of how I feel.

The Big Number

We have all heard it before the number on the scale does not define who you are. But it always ends up being by the number that you define who you are. my number has not moved under 204 for about 6 months and it is ruining my moral. I no longer believe that I can get my number under 200, or that I can achieve

But I have a plan!

I am no longer going to focus on the number...the scale is being tossed out the window instead I will be focusing my time on my family, my mind, and my running. I ran a mile yesterday..time 16 min flat I would like to get my mile down to 14 min by the end of the month and then next month I will be focusing on 2 miles in under 20 mins...yikes but my 5k is around the corner so I have to step it up!

Hope you are all having a fabulous week!

Blind no more.....

This weekend I went to the lake for the fireworks... and as I sat in my one piece and looked at all the girls around me. I realized something. I am no longer looking at the bodies as fat and skinny. I am starting to look at them as healthy toned, to not healthy and not tonned.

I am tired of being so hard on myself for not being thin, so I am deciding to focus on the good things about my body and the healthy changes that I am making. I used to think that skinny was the way to go but I am starting to realize that a healthy lean and atheletic body is what I want.

Hope you all had a good weekend :)

oh I am on day 2 of the ripped in 30

Perfection

I tend to be a perfectionist when it comes to how people view me. I stress out about how I look, what I am saying, or how I react. And if I have a slip up and make a jackass of myself... I tend to let it ruin my day.

it can be tiring trying to achieve approval from everyone...( but I still do it) I really want to focus on not worrying so much about what other people think. It is hard to ignore others because as humans we thrive on approval..we want to be in the "in" crowd.

But at what costs?

I used to allow people to walk all over me and as a result I ended up in one bad relationship after another. When I grew thicker skin I became selfish it was all about me and my needs.

and then I had a baby, and I am now struggling with balance. I hope that I can achieve this balance soon so that I might be a good influence on my children and those around me.


so enough of that lets move on the the Important stuff..lol
I start Jillian's shredded in 30 days tonight and I will be posting start weight and measurements tomorrow and a short post on my experience. Happy Friday everyone!

The scale is not the boss

I used to only go by the number on the scale to measure my progress. And sometimes it would report a loss and others times a gain! When it reports a loss I am on cloud nine and I feel amazing..but when it reports a gain. I cry, scream, curse, and eventually find my way to the freezer where I keep my ice cream..and I eat a spoonful and then that spoonful leads to another and then another...... ( you get the picture)

well I realized that by doing this I was only hurting my progress. I could weigh in at 204.8 on Friday and due to the excessive eating weigh in at 208.8 on Monday. Now I know that they say it takes 3000 plus calories to gain a pound. But I have a body that hates me. I can gain a pound from eating a big mac....and that is without the fries and soda. I have a horrible metabolism. So I have to be picky with what I am eating.

Yes I am that girl that reads every label and counts every calorie, gram, cup you name it. But its what helps keep me conscious of what I should and should not be eating. Don't get me wrong I still have my slice of pizza or burger on occasion. But it is all in moderation. That is the key to losing and not feeling deprived is moderation.

My other forms of measuring success are; measuring inches, trying on clothes that didn't fit before, timing my runs or workouts, and my emotions. If I am happy and feel well rested then I must be doing something right. Besides part of losing the weight is also losing the insecurities and doubts along with the fat!

So here are some updates. At the beginning of the month 06/01/2011 I began Jillian Michael's 30 day shred.

SW:208.8
CW:206.2

inches:06/01/2011
Arm:15.5
Waist:45
Hips:49
Thigh:26

inches:06/30/2011
Arm:15
Waist:43
Hips:45
Thigh:24.5

over all 2.6lbs loss and 8 inches lost in 30 days. Not bad if I do say so myself. Tomorrow I start Jillian's shredded in 30 days I will post starting weight and inches and total loss on 07/31/2011.

I am back!

I have been MIA for some time, but I am back with a Bam. This time I am going to be taking you on my weight loss journey and keep you updated. I have attempted to keep blogging before but somehow always end up quiting after a few posts. ( but I am back for sure now!)

Let's see what has changed since my last post... oh the depression is almost gone.. I say almost because she decides to come and go as she pleases. I refer to depression as a her because she is me on a bad day..lol

ok so here are the current numbers.
SW:247.0
CW:206.6

that means that I have lost a total of 40.4lbs since my baby was born I still have 61.6lbs to go to my goal weight....seems like a long way but I am almost half way there.

Its funny how much pressure we put on ourselves to be thin. As if being thin somehow equals perfection. In my case I would have to say that it does equal perfection. I tend to try harder at life when I am thin...because in my world thin me = happy me. but I think that the same can be said by everyone. We feel prettier when we can fit into clothing and when we don't have to suck it in at the beach.

Any way that is it for now.. but I will post some more tonight and maybe some pictures..if I am brave enough!

Adventure

I have always been too up tight. I am so focused on Tomorrow and what it might bring. I never take the time to do something that I really want to do. So this year is still fresh. I am going to make it the best year so far of my short life. But right now I have to get back to work. I will write some more tonight.

Day's 2-3: Sleep deprived

I am tired, hungry, and stressed out. I am trying to remain calm under the pressures of my life. But the more we ignore things...it seems the harder they try to get our attention. I was once told that if you want to do something...then nothing should stand in my way... But what about sleep? I need it right?( well maybe not.. that is why I have coffee!)

No but seriously. What am I doing to myself. I want to be thin ( I mean healthy..) so I get up at 4:30 am everyday..on top of staying up until at least 11pm so I can study...then going to work for 8 hours sometimes more? What is wrong with the picture here?

I need a break...even if for just one day. I dunno maybe tomorrow will be better.

I stepped on the scale this morning and it reported a gain... ( what!?) But I am attributing it to the sleep deprivation ( hopefully...crossing my fingers)

Anyway off to get some sleep. I will have an update tomorrow.

Day One: Learning to re-track my food

We've all heard it before........ diet and exercise= weight loss. But where did the fine print go? have you stopped to think.. hey what happens when all the weight is off? Can I go directly back to eating the way that I was before?

Well my friends the answer to this question should be more then obvious. the answer is no. So no losing weight doesn't miraculously make you resistant to weight gain. You can and will gain it all back if you don't learn how to eat.( that is eat right)

A well balanced diet is the key to your weight loss. Easy right? Well I thought so. But as it turns out I went the entire day without any fruit only 32 ounces of water and have over extended my daily allowance of carbs. Did I over eat you ask? No I didn't I stayed within my calorie range..( how? I dunno I guess by cutting portions)

So I guess what my point is that anyone can be on a diet...anyone can cut calories. But the real trick is to learn how to get all your veggies, fruits, carbs, protein, fat, and calories at the same time. This has proven to be the most challenging part of my weight loss journey. But hey I can't be doing to bad... I have lost 44 pounds by half a**ing it. But now I am stuck at 203lbs and I am itching to get the scale to move.

But my question today is.." why is it so hard to stay away from fast food?" Is it because its good or because it is easy? I wish I knew. Also what constitutes fast food? the fact that its pre-packaged, nuked, or loaded with preservatives?

In my world of mother hood, working parent ,and book worm. Pre-packaged seems to be the answer. But the truth is...... America..no wait this world is fat, unhealthy, and getting more and more brainless by the generation....so at least for today I have done my part. I tracked my food and managed to get half of my daily water intake so tomorrow will be a better day.... Who knows I might even eat some fruit.

hello everyone

First of all I would like to thank any and all of you that have continued to read my blog. ( although I have not written in a long time)
This time you have my word that I am back for good. ( and yes my word is good)

I am tired of being fat, emotional, angry, and insecure. So I am dedicating my time once a day to reflect in my blog. ( and hopefully something good will come out of it)

So here is an over view for anyone who cares to read and follow my blog...
1. I am 23 years old (next week I will be turning 24...but I am trying to ignore my b-day this year)
2. I have 2 step daughters and a 9 month old daughter. ( these are the people that have inspired my change)
3. I am getting married in July.
4. I am mother who works full time, works out everyday, goes to bible studies and goes to school for nursing.

And on top of all of this. I am tired!

Tired off all the Bul*s*** why are people so mean? Why do you care if I am a good mother? What is the deal with you always trying to get me to eat the wrong things? What do you gain out of my misery and failure? (by you I mean people in general)

So this is the start of a new journey for me, so stay tuned. I hope that my experiences can help someone..maybe. Then again just read to enjoy.

So here is the big plan!

First Goal: drop down to 182 lbs by my daughters first birthday ( 04/30/2011)

Current weight : 203lbs

Second Goal: Drop down to 156lbs by my wedding ( 07/24/2011)

Finish Bible this year and go to church every Sunday: Currently in New Testament ( book Mathew)

*** Last but not least: Lose the crazy! ( yes! I am crazy...but at least I can admit it)

So here we go. So sit back; read, comment if you must and enjoy the roller coaster.