When I walked in from a long day at work, I let my things fall onto the coffee table. The loud thunk That I was trying to achieve motivated my boyfriend to turn to me and say "Are you ok?"
I looked away and hissed “I’m fine." but instead of insisting that I surrender my feelings. He turned his attention back to his friend and once more began to ignore my presence. This infuriated me. Why couldn't he just come hug me, greet me and tell me how much he missed and loved me? But I suppose my expectations for him or for anyone are sometimes too high. So instead of trying to talk to him I walked into the room and slammed the door. The sudden outburst must have awakened some curiosity in him. Because no more than a minute after he was walking through the door and insisting on what was wrong.
“I’m Fine!" I repeated.
"Ok." and just with that he was getting ready to turn around and once again leave me alone.
"Can I have a hug?" I burst out before his hand could touch the door knob.
He gave a big sigh and turned around. He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me. His gaze didn't meet mine. This only frustrated me even more and I began to cry. He huffed and without saying anything or looking at me he turned and headed for the door.
"I never get to spend time you anymore!"
He chuckled and kept walking. With his intentional neglect I began to cry more frantically and yelled “Babe!”
This time he turned around and said “Why, are you trying to fight with me?”
I just stood there holding my gaze on a spot on the wall. I let him see that I was crying. I whimpered out loud hoping to arise some sympathy from him. But this only irritated him further. We stood there in silence for what must have been at least a minute. He finally turned around and walked out. I yelled behind him.
“I am not trying to fight with you!” I stood there for a good five minutes not moving and crying. I was crying so hard that it was getting hard to breathe through my nostrils. When I realized that he wasn’t going to come back through the door. I whispered to myself.
“I was just trying to tell you how I felt.” I walked over to the bed and drew the covers over my head and cried. I laid there even though I could hear my daughter crying in the background. I just wanted to be left alone. What is wrong with me? Why can’t anyone give me the answer that I am looking for?
They say that it could be postpartum depression, but what kind of excuse is that for my behavior?
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