Almost halfway there.......

I stepped onto the scale today not really expecting to have dropped anymore weight. But I have dropped another pound. Altogether that makes 9 pounds. I am one pound away from meeting half my weight goal loss in 30 days. I have 17 days left and 11 pounds to complete the 30 day challenge. I am so excited I have told myself that I can’t by a new outfit until I have reached 200lbs. Which I hope is soon because I am itching to go shopping. I knew that having a family would be hard, but I guess I didn’t realize how hard it would be. Don’t get me wrong I love it! But sometimes I feel as if I am not doing enough or that I am not doing the right thing. I am going through a downer today. I feel so overwhelmed with the responsibilities that I have taken on. I am no longer just responsible for myself but for the well being of my entire family. After I got off the scale and took a shower I stared at my body in the mirror. I am not going to lie I cried a little bit. Every time I look in the mirror I only notice the negative things about myself. I never allow myself to see the positives. In my eyes there is always room for improvement.
Why is that we compare our bodies to other peoples? I am told that I am cute….but what I really want to hear is that I am beautiful. I sat down this morning in front of the computer and I stared at pictures of celebrities. They always make it look so simple as if looking that good comes so naturally to them. I don’t think that I am ugly but I don’t think that I am beautiful either. I want and I yearn to be looked at as if I am the only person that matters in my boyfriends eyes. Sometimes I ask myself whether I am trying to get into shape for everyone else or for myself. When I sit down and think about it. It hits me I am doing it for my daughter. I want her to learn to love herself for how she is and to treat her body right. I don’t want her to see me self conscience and start to look at herself in a negative way. She is already a happy baby I want to keep her that way. I want her to have the confidence that I was never able to achieve.